The reason for being tearful

I have decided there is no point in keeping a blog unless I am honest in my postings. So here goes. Last night I had a bottle of lovely velvety Merlot. Followed by a small glass of my special brandy. Then I had a good cry.

Part of me knows that I cried because I had too much to drink. And I was on my own. And I was missing my dear hubby and gorgeous children - all now gone elsewhere.

BUT, the real reason I cried, I think, is because I am so unhappy with myself. More specifically, with my size and shape. And that is also one one of the reasons that I dislike going to the Big Smoke. Also the reason why I hate parties. I looked at my party clothes and found a collection of old frocks - none of which fit me. Know that I will have to wear the dreaded embroidered "tent" dress again which covers my bulges but makes me look pregnant.

It is EMBARASSING being this size. It is HUMILIATING. It is deeply, deeply SAD.

Have just re-read that last sentence and notice I used the phrase "being this size". Also I use phrases like "larger lady", "mature figure", "fuller figure", "curvy", "well rounded", etc. etc. etc. When the truth is that I am just plain FAT.

Therefore, I have made a BIG DECISION. I am definitely, absolutely, dead-cert, going on a proper diet. Will aim to shift a few pounds before the weekend with Cathy. Maybe I will be able to find something more flattering to wear than the tent. So, started breakfast with the following:

1. Black tea, followed by black (yuck) coffee.
2. THIN slice of toast with scraping of low fat spread and some old low-sugar marmalade, dug out the back of the fridge.
3. 1 bannana, 2 small oranges and a grapefruit with sweetener.

Am still hungry but feeling thinner already.

Zenda is shrinking!